I’m no expert on kids learning lessons the hard way. In fact, I Googled those very words you see above. I had to laugh when the first search result was about not losing your mind as a teacher. Relevant information I’m sure. Having been a teacher in various capacities, I know that is important information. Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I needed right here, right now as I’m trying to not seethe.
I’ll probably have to do more in depth research
I cannot be the only mom who feels like she is beating her head against the wall because she has a kid or kids who go through life completely oblivious to their own responsibilities. Yeah, yeah, I know kids are kids, but as they grow they need to learn to take responsibility for their stuff, their actions, their choices, etc. (Of course, this implies that when they grow up, they WILL learn – yet that’s not always the case, you can read about that here.)
I realize it takes a while for kids to learn life skills and sometimes that’s through learning lessons the hard way. It’s just so hard to have to watch the train wreck in slow motion when you could’ve helped if only they’d been honest about their mistake in the first place.
Yes, this is based on a real life hard lesson scenario
I’m glad you asked! My daughters participate on the ski team. I noticed today that my youngest hadn’t been wearing her team jacket. These are very nice jackets made locally by Wintergreen Northern Wear. I asked her why she wasn’t wearing her jacket and she said, “Oh I think it’s in my other bag at home.” Immediately, I saw the red flag. I told her I would expect to see the jacket when we got home. I sniffed deception in the air.
Later, I saw her sister and I asked, “Hey did your sister lose her team jacket?” My eldest replies in a stammering voice, “Um I don’t know.” Her face told me that she very much DID know and the answer was a definitive, “Yes.”
Upon further grilling, I learned that not only was said jacket missing, it had been missing for more than two weeks. Anyone who’s ever lost anything knows there’s a small window of time to find things before they are lost for good.
So now for the lesson the hard way
I informed my daughter that if she didn’t find her jacket, she’d be responsible for paying for its replacement. She wasn’t thrilled to hear this. I don’t know how much that’s going to be, but these are very nice handmade jackets. I put out the requisite posts on social asking if anyone’s seen it, but beyond that I can’t do much more. Nor, should I have to.
I’m trying to remind myself that perhaps this is a good lesson for both us. For me, maybe the lesson is to do better at letting go. I’ve been told that’s not my strong suit. For her, perhaps maybe if she has to foot the bill for this she’ll learn the lesson the hard way. Maybe just maybe, this lesson will save her from learning the hard way a much harder way. I hold out hope and try to remember in the grand scheme of things, this hardly ranks.
As a parent, however, it’s hard. It’s hard to let them fail, but I know all too often that’s where the most valuable lessons can be found.
Five things that may help when your kids’ missteps make you nuts
- Breathe
- Keep things in perspective
- Count your blessings
- Try to see the benefit that may come from this hiccup
- Write ( that might not work for everyone – but I sure feel better!)